A Massachusetts crook ended up getting smoked when he approached a woman on the street to bum a cigarette -- just two days after stealing her purse. Malek Matos produced a knife and threatened to stab the woman if she didn't hand over her purse, so she complied. He ran off, but ran into her again outside the Department of Motor Vehicles, where she asked a clerk to call cops -- who quickly arrived to haul Matos away.

Just about everyone has heard of the Onion, the hilarious fake news site. And every once, in a while we hear about a politician or celebrity who mistakes an Onion headline for a real story. But you know, that's forgivable. After all, there are plenty of real headlines that sound like they could be from the Onion. Find some funny ones at OnionLike.tumblr.com.

Donald Trump welcomed 18 new celebrity contestants on last night's season premiere of Celebrity Apprentice.: Clay Aiken; Dee Snider; George Takei; Adam Carolla; Penn Jillette; Lou Ferrigno; Arsenio Hall; Aubrey O'Day ; Cheryl Tiegs (model); Dayana Mendoza; Debbie Gibson; Lisa Lampanelli ; Michael Andrett; Patricia Valasquez; Teresa Giudice; Paul Teutul, Sr.; Tia Carrere; and Victoria Gotti.

The third Monday in February is a federal holiday. But Presidents Day is not its official name. What is? It is Washington's Birthday.

Elizabeth Smart married her boyfriend of one year, Matthew Gilmour, in a private ceremony Saturday in Hawaii. Elizabeth made headlines in 2002 when she was kidnapped from her home at age 14.

Lindsay Lohan will host Saturday Night Live on March 3rd -- because she wants to remind people she's an actress, and not a defendant. According to sources, Linds reached out to producer Lorne Michaels and after some back and forth agreed on a date. Insiders tell TMZ she feels that Lorne has been very fatherly towards her throughout the years.

An Ohio elementary school was far from the happiest place on earth after officials put it on lockdown over a parent who came to visit while dressed as Mickey Mouse. The woman wanted to surprise her daughter's class by wearing the outfit for a Valentine's Day party, but failed to tell the school's principal about the costume, which she showed up wearing -- then changed out of in a restroom.

A California man got some positive feedback after selling an old safe on E-Bay -- not realizing there was more than $25,000 in cash stashed inside. James Labreque put the safe up for grabs because he had no room for it -- and he didn't have the combination to open it. The buyer gave Labreque a thumbs-up on the transaction -- and shared the news about the little cash bonus and told "finders keepers."

A small private plane that was carrying 40 pounds of marijuana chose to invade the wrong airspace yesterday (Thursday) morning. Just before President Obama was set to leave Los Angeles International Airport for San Francisco, the small plane entered restricted airspace and North American Aerospace Defense Command scrambled two F-16 fighter jets. The Cessna 182 was intercepted by the jets and was forced to land.